Sunday, March 24th, 2002: First of all PLEASE don't anyone yell or even speak loudly. Jay has himself one HELL-A-cious hangover! The only saving grace is knowing that Rodney's is worse than mine! More about that later.
I finally got the chance, while nursing myself back to the living this afternoon, to sit down and edit the shots from our going away party last Thursday night. We all had a great time and most of the gang from Rodney's work was there. Clicking on these thumbnails will open the shots in new windows. Let me see if I can remember all the people who were there...
Rodney and Bertrand Rodney Reclines Jenny checks the fridge! Ingo Rosemary and Bertrand The "early" party gang Mr. Loke reaches for another snack Jenny reaches for a buffalo wing. Carlos in the background
Bertrand and Rodney listen to hotel stories Jenny Carlos and Rodney Engo Rosemary Joe Troy and Kenia Rodney Joe Troy and me The party continues The United Nations (Southern edition)
This was a real "international" party. We had a couple of us from the U.S., and people from Germany, Guatemala, Mainland China, France, The Philippines, Mexico, Malaysia and Australia! It was a lot of fun getting together with everyone for one last time.

Oh, damn! I almost forgot again. I've been meaning to write about this for 4 days now. CBS's Survivor. If you read the earlier journal entries, you know about ROdney and my argument about who'd the favorite, well, they voted off Hunter a couple of weeks ago. Hunter was his fav and my second choice after Rob. Well... MISTAKE!!! On last weeks show Rob showed his true colors. He is a homophobic asshole! Cute to look at, but he COMPLETELY blew it in my book when he started making anti gay comments about the other players.  He really IS a manipulating moron. So, now I'm left with a real dilemma... I have to pick another favorite... Hmmmm this might take some thinking. I'll get back to you. besides, I'm going to miss the next 3 episodes!

Click to go to the Ice Age website
Friday night Rodney and I went to the movies and saw Ice Age. IT WAS GREAT! I hadn't been to the movies in a long time, and this was a real treat. I absolutely fell in love with Scrat, the little squirrel-like creature with the acorn. I think I can relate to him, that's why he's my favorite! Check out the Ice Age website too. It's interactive and a lot of fun!

Now, on to last night.....AAAAARRRGGG! We went out with "The gang" for one last night on the town. We hit KWEST and Bourbon Street. When I say "hit" I mean HIT. Everyone was buying drinks and by 1 AM we were both TOTALLY wasted! Oh Gawd! I have not been that drunk since I was 19! (Yes, back then the drinking age in Connecticut was 18!) Once again, I have to say a HUGE thank you to the roommate Mark, he came through for us again. Instead of having to dal with a cab in our condition, Mark came to the rescue and picked up these two silly Marys and drove our drunken asses home. Now I just have to figure out how to get back down there and get my car back home! Thanks again Mark. It was a fun night, what I remember of it. It's about 4 o'clock in the afternoon as I write this and Rodney has JUST woken up! He actually looks worse than I do! Although both our stomachs are VERY queasy. You know what, even writing that word "queasy" makes me feel it! Damn! I got it bad! Hope I recover enough so the flight doesn't bother me.
On to that, and this is probably the last update I'll get to do until I get back. The rest of today and tomorrow is going to be very busy for us packing and getting ready.
We leave early Tuesday morning from Key West. I tried everything I knew how to be able to get you pictures from Malaysia WHILE I'm there, but the ability of uploading them to the site in Malaysia is damned near impossible. The internet access there isn't as available as I'd like and my camera needs it's own software to get the pictures from the camera and send them out, so I'm afraid you'll have to wait until I get back for them. But I promise I'll have lot's. I'm going to be keeping notes and a journal along the way while I'm there and I'll get it up and online as soon as I recover from my return trip. Here's a little map of our journey.
I always get very melodramatic before these long trips and I won't bore you with it. Suffice to say, I'm scheduled to return to Key West on Thursday April 11th. Unless I really get a wild hair across my ass and decide to say "Screw it" and never return... I'll see you all then. I'm going to be leaving the webcams up and running and Mark will have instructions on how to get them running again if anything should happen. But just so you know, even with battery backup, auto-redialers and all, sometimes here in the Keys we have power outages which can last for hours and if that happens, or my DSL chokes or something I've got most everything covered, but some things can't be planned for. The cams will just be down until I get back, if that should happen. And once again, a BIG thank you to Mark for covering my bases while I'm gone. SiSi will be here watching the fort and Kenia will stop in and check on her once in a while.
Thank you again for all your emails and IM's wishing us luck and letting us know you're thinking about us. It makes the journey easier. I'll see you and talk to you again when I get back.
I'm about to step into a new place, meet new people, make new friends, and then, however temporary, walk away from someone who means more to me than anything else on earth.

Wish me luck

March 22nd, 2002: (Warning: Totally honest [and LONG] journal entry.)
Hey, they have ALL been totally honest, it's just that this one is not the happiest I've written.

Won't be long now...

A long time ago, somehow I learned the ability to "stand outside of myself". To watch what was going on in my life and appreciate it for what it was, good or bad. Not to quote Elton John songs, but I look at it all as a part of this circle of adventures we call "Life". It's this ability that allows me these days to barely hold on to what little sanity I have left. That's the ONLY reason I haven't had a complete meltdown yet.
Honestly, I have been SO damned depressed for the past week or two. Not to dwell, but I spend the entire day with this horrible overwhelming feeling that I just want to cry and I haven't been sleeping at night without getting up 2 or 3 times. Just "bang" and I'm wide-awake and can't get back to sleep. I suppose the "saving grace" is that I know the cause. Doesn't make me feel much better, but at least I can identify it. (If you've just stumbled on this Jay's Journal, you're going to need to go back a few months and read to catch up.)

There IS some happy news; I'll save that for the end of this journal entry.

Isn't it weird? Even now, as I sit here only 3 days away from when we leave for Malaysia, and I still have this thought that Rodney will change his mind and decide to stay. I absolutely know, with no doubt that it will not happen, but, call it what you will, that little light inside me, just will NOT let me, one hundred percent accept the fact that he really is going to leave. It's really not fair to him I guess. I want to scream and yell and cry out loud and beg him to say "Screw it" and stay here and take his chances. I want him to put ME first and say the hell with everything and everyone else. I want him to fight like hell to do whatever he can to stay with me here. I want to.... but I won't.
While he does have a choice, it isn't one I'd ask him to make. He has to do what's right for him, but damn it, it's just so freaking hard on me. You can quote all the cute little sayings like "That which does not kill us..." blah blah blah... it doesn't help. It still hurts too much.
I guess my biggest fear is the unknown. I don't want us to grow apart. 10,000 miles is a long way. The internet will, of course, keep us somewhat close, but I still can't reach out and hold him, touch him when I want to, or more importantly, when I NEED to, and he can't either. We've already made plans for the next time we're getting together, and it's a comfort, but it's still not enough. This is a man with whom I don't want to spend one moment away from, let alone months at a time.
I also don't want our last time together for now, spent with me being this whiny "Mary". But it seems I just can't help it. I know he can tell I'm really sad and in spite of the fact that I can "act" my way through anything, this is too painful for me to hide.
So, I write about my feelings here. I guess it helps to get them out. There is so much uncertainty ahead of us, and like anyone would be, I'm afraid.
Afraid, in spite of our assurances to each other, that time and distance will affect our relationship.
For the moment the anger has been overtaken by the sadness of our situation. Anger that we live in a society that keeps us apart.
I know, given time that these extreme sad feelings will pass. I know they'll be replaced with that passionate drive that will push me to do whatever I can to fight against those people that would keep people like you and I down. I know, in time, I'll find that place inside myself that gives me the strength to hold my head up and work to make a difference.
But until that time, I have to deal with my feelings in the "now". I have to allow myself to be sad for a while. Grieve a loss, if you will. Inside, I believe it isn't forever, but can anyone really guarantee me that it won't be? Can you tell me, for certain, that the time and distance won't make us grow apart? No one can. Dynamic Dad's words come back to me...
" May your love last forever... and may the two of you gain strength from that love you have for each other!" From your mouth to God's ears DD.

And a poem that Rodney wrote to me when he was in Malaysia last October is perhaps the most comforting of all.
It sits framed on our bureau and I read it every chance I get.
The words hold more meaning for me than you, or even he, will ever, ever know...


My Love

The sunrises in your eyes,

and the moonlight shines from your face

makes me realize how much I miss you..

I long to feel your touch

and hear your gentle voice

in every breath that I take

and every move that I make

Please know that I will be coming home

into your warm loving arms

I will love you with all my heart

and promise to be always true

till my very last breath

But always know that my love for you

will even last longer than that

till the sun no longer shine

and the moon no longer rises

my love for you will still be there

it would take a sea of ink if I want to write

how much I love you

and even then

no words can describe it..

I guess I just have to simply say


and always will

Rodney Sheldon


I'll write more later, before we go.

Monday, March 18th, 2002: Wow! What a fantastic weekend! Ft. Lauderdale was GREAT! We had an incredible room at the Sheraton, right on the beach!
The place was chock FULL of Hot body Spring Breakers. Lot's of eye candy and window shopping! and the clubs were fantastic!
We drove up Friday and went out Friday night to hit the highlights. First stop was a great spot called George's Alibi
George's Alibi-Ft. Lauderdale
It's a great spot in a complex that is, for the most part completely gay. If you've never been there, it's sort of a "gay" strip mall. Lot's of gay own and operated stores. George's Alibi also has a branch in the Tampa-St. Pete area. It has a little cafe with great and easy food and a couple of bars, video and sports bar attached. We had a delicious meal and then threw back a few at the video bar.

The CopaThe Copa

Then it was on to the world famous COPA! It wasn't very crowded, but it was a fantastic club, with great music and lot's of pretty boys.

But the thrill of my night was COLISEUM!


Wow! If you've never been this was MY idea of how a gay dance club should look! It's was like being in Babylon in Thailand (or Queer as Folk for that matter) Incredible hard house and techno blend music, hot sweaty half-naked gyrating bodies and plenty of them. Wow! This was an experience! Rodney was making everyone jealous dancing up on a pedestal, (Where he aptly belongs!) and it was a HOT night!
We finally stumbled home about 3 am.
Saturday night, we headed out for a tasty dinner at the place with George's Alibi again, this time though, we ate at "Tasty Thai" in the same complex. Great Thai food (my favorite) and then back out to Copa! SUnday was a rest and recovery day before we had to drive the long haul back to Key West. Fantastic weekend and a nice getaway!
Click for a larger shot                                                            Click for a larger image
This was our view from the Sheraton. Wow...huh?!                                  And this was their view of us!

Friday, March 15th, 2002: We're headed to Ft. Lauderdale for the weekend. Come on out and party! Hope to see you there!
Wednesday, March 13th, 2002: THEY VOTED OFF HUNTER?!?! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (See CBS television's Survivor*)
Hunter-the Honey!Okay, okay, he wasn't my favorite (he WAS Rodney's fave though) but he was my number 2 man. Now, I'm not so sure that Rob deserves my praise! He's a Rob-the Sneaky Honey!conniving little guy! It was very funny though, Rodney got SO upset when Hunter was voted off tonight. Not just because he was his favorite and really cute, but because Rob was such a sneak. He made the observation, and it IS true, The sneaky, conniving ones always seem to win and the "good guys", the guys who work hard and try and do the right thing always seem to get screwed in the end. That was certainly the case in tonight's episode. But I reminded him that's it's "just a TV show"

One more topic to bitch about tonight...
Did you see the story today about the terrorists getting their visas? If not ,here's the news story (it'll open in a new window) Bottom line, the INS approved and sent two of the September 11th terrorists their student visa a couple days ago in the mail to the flight school where they learned to fly the jets they would eventually crash into the twin towers in New York.        Yeah....
Does that piss you off just a little bit or what? Let me just say this about that.... We live in a day and age where someone who wants to live and work and prosper in this country as a tax paying, contributing member of our society, but cannot because he is faced with every damned obstacle one could imagine that prevents him from doing so.
And yet, the very same people that are charged with "protecting" and regulating the flow of immigrants into this country has it's collective heads shoved so far up their asses, they sent the students visas out almost  6 months to the day to these two guys? Is someone watching? Does ANYONE give a damn? Why....WHY does this kind of crap continue to go on? Why is it so difficult for someone who's trying to "do the right thing" and work hard, and it seems so damned easy for those sneaky people who would do us harm, to skate around the system, to get away with it. You know, maybe Survivor isn't so far away from real life after all.

(*All photos and references to "Survivor" are ©MMII, CBS Worldwide Inc. All Rights Reserved)

Monday, March 11th, 2002:          CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!?!       ...Good!
Are you as sick of that as I am? It's a VERY effective ad campaign, but COME ON GUYZ! Enough is enough! Geeeez! Can you hear me now?!
Okay, the REAL reason I am doing another update here so quickly after yesterday's is to admit my stupidity. We had a surprise a short time ago and I completely forgot to mention it! Color me embarrassed! We had a friend, who started out as a fan of this site and has become a regular friend stop down for an unexpected visit. You've read about him before in Me, Rodney and Renethese pages. Rene, the "orchid guy", called to say he got a wild hair across his ass and was in South Florida and just started driving south on U.S. 1.... The next thing he knew he was half way to Key West, We went out for a bite to eat and then showed him our favorite haunts, KWEST and Bourbon Street. Just remember next time Rene, either bring your spare glasses, or don't use that super glue to fix them! By the way, who's legs were your face between so that you BROKE your glasses. You never DID explain that one! (just kidding!)
Here's a picture of the super trio just before we "hit the town". And thanks for the roses Rene, you're sweet!

Oh yeah..... just one more little thing............WE DID IT !!!!!!!!!!!!   JASBITS TOP 5 for the week!!!!!!
I just checked out the Jasbits pages and we FINALLY, after 8 long months of trying made the top 5 cam sites on Jasbits! Thank you SO much for your continued support of this site in so many ways. It really means a LOT to me! We made NUMBER 4 this week, our first time in the top 5! Fantastic! Here's a screen shot. It's a bit of a big file (about 92k),
but ....I'm like a proud father right now! hehehe. Sincerely.....thank you, and KEEP VOTING!

Sunday March 10th, 2002: As I'm typing this I have the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon soundtrack playing in the background. It's Yo Yo Ma on the cello. If you've never heard this soundtrack, let alone Yo Yo Ma, it's incredible! HE's incredible!  Go steal a couple of tracks from Morpheus, or your favorite music stealing internet software and check it out. It's really beautiful music. 
A lot to talk about today. First of all, Rodney and I have done our best to become "Survivor" fans. We've watched the occasional episode in the past series, but never managed to catch all of them. This time we've been watching from the beginning and following along. I'm really getting into it too. It's from the Marquesas this time and MY personal favorite is the construction worker- Rob. He has this fabu regional accent.I think he's from Massachusetts.  He is ADORABLE! Rodney's favorite is probably the same as every other gay man's out there: The FedEx pilot-Hunter. He is cute and probably my second favorite, but Rob gets my vote for now. I'd form an alliance with him any day! (eg)
Lets' see who gets voted out next. It's on Thursdays at 8PM and it's over just in time for Will & Grace on NBC! But this coming week there's a special episode on Wednesday night at 8. You know, I just realized, We're gonna miss a couple of episodes while we're in Malaysia. Oh well, keep me up to date, will ya?
Now, on to other things. The Key West and Florida tourist people have put together a new ad campaign to promote travel down here. Check out their new ad here. Woo Hoo! It's running on GayWired too so you may have already seen this one. Well done!
The Jay Sheldon Dot Com Store is doing well with sales of the new Malaysia Tour Shirt. It's now available in your choice of Red and Black accents. Check it out!
Now in your choice of TWO colors!These are just the shirts themselves. Check out the store for the real items with the logos and the other new items including the new Jay Sheldon Dot Com BUNNY!

Speaking of going to Malaysia... I am STILL working on arranging for updates while I'm actually IN Kuala Lumpur, but it's beginning to look like you're going to have to wait until I get back for pictures and all. I haven't given up yet, but we'll see what happens. I'm doing my best for you.Melia Hotel Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Only a little over 2 weeks to go. I'm getting a bit nervous about this trip, but a part of me is kind of looking forward to it. I love to travel and don't really do enough of it. We'll be staying for a part of our trip at a beautiful hotel called the Melia. It's really nice and close to downtown KL. As long as Rodney's Mom doesn't mind, I'll be staying at his house for the rest of the trip until just before I get ready to return.
Oh! I almost forgot, We're trying to plan our next time together and Rodney's birthday is in August, so we're looking at getting together for that, but the trouble is WHERE to get together? Neither of us has seen Paris and we both very much want to, but... Paris in August? I've heard that it, literally, stinks? If any of you 'well traveled' folks out there know if this, or anything else, is a reason NOT to go to Paris in August please let me know! And if not, then we need another idea of somewhere romantic and about halfway between Key West and Kuala Lumpur! Hmmmmm. Plans-Plans-Plans!
Hey! I have been holding my own all week long on Jasbits, As I type I'm hanging in at NUMBER 4!!! Wow! Thank you for all your votes! That is a pleasant surprise!
Well, the weekend is almost over. We spent Friday night at home, watching movies and eating TOO MUCH POPCORN! Last night we went out with Kenia and Joe and had a blast at KWEST and Bourbon Street. Danced ourselves silly and didn't get home until about 3 in the morning! OUCH! Tonight, we're still deciding between staying put and watching Queer As Folks or going to T-dance at Atlantic Shores. It IS Spring Break after all and Key West is chock FULL of those REALLY cute college boys! Hey Window shopping ONLY!
I'll write more this week and stay in touch, huh? I get tons of emails every day and always make a point to write back, so drop me a line!
Make it a great week and don't forget to let the people you love, know how much they mean to you... every single day! Life's too short to be sour! (Rodney's favorite line!)

Saturday, March 2nd, 2002: Here's a riddle for you...
What do 2 queens do when they're bored on a Saturday afternoon in March?   Answer?....

Yeah, I know...but it was fun! I don't really think I can describe it, so I took some pictures. Click on the thumbnails and a larger shot will open in a new window.
EWWWW! It's sticky!Insert theme from Mission Impossible Here!!Did Tom Cruise start this way?!Rodney holds my face in his hands!SiSi wanted a mask too!!

And afterwards, my face felt SO smooth! Of course I wasn't any cuter, but hey! It's not a miracle mask! And YES, even SiSi wanted to get in on the actions, but I don't think they make doggie masks!  
44 years of abuse and I decide to start "masking" now! I think it's WAY too late!
A few new items in the Jay Sheldon Dot Com Store. Check 'em out, including the newly redesigned Malaysian Concert ShirtClick for a larger image
And an adorable plush bunny for Spring! He's really cute so stop by and check out all the Jay Sheldon Dot Com Merchandise!
Remember, the items you buy all help sponsor my next trip to Malaysia to visit Rodney! So hey, if you believe in romance and love, help support the cause!
(I know, I'll try anything!)
Hope you week was great and your weekend even better.