It is
not rude, it is not self-seeking,
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not boast, it is not proud.
It is
not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
-1 Corinthians 13:4-
A page of LOVE
When Rodney and I first met, I mean really met, he knew very little
about me, then, according to the way HE tells the story, he read my journal
and my "about me" pages on this site. That is what convinced him to give
me a chance and try and get to know me better. Because of that, I wanted
to write him a letter, but thought I'd share it with you at the same time.
I have written him several cards and notes "privately" of course, those will
stay that way, but since it was this site that brought us close together,
I thought I'd use this site to express just how deeply and strongly I feel
about him....I do that, everyday, in my own words, but I want the WORLD to
know.
So, since we live on a very flat, tropical island, without a single mountaintop
to shout it from....
Rodney, My love...
I was reading over my "about me" page yesterday, and something occurred to
me. I had written this:
"Above all else, I enjoy having fun! When you stop having fun....your dead!
I've enjoyed the single life, but I think I was meant to be in a relationship.
However sometimes, when I'm really in one of my moods, I think I'm more in
love with the IDEA of "being in love", I've almost convinced myself that
that "Knight in Shining Armor" is out there, but his path and mine may never
cross. I really thought I'd found him once in my life and only once, but
that, apparently, wasn't meant to be..."
To those detractors, who take great pains in telling us that... "it's too
soon"... ..."you haven't known each other that long yet"...blah blah blah,
let me say that if you have never truly been in love, you don't know what
the feeling is. If they have never experienced the deep love that two people
can share with each other, they are not to judge. Some people feel they've
loved someone, but in the end it was not "true love". The kind of love that
takes a hold of your heart, and doesn't let go. The kind of love where I
can't bare to spend even a moment without you in my arms. My every thought
and word is for you. You are my heart and my soul. You are the center of
my universe and I wouldn't want you anywhere else but there. The warm fuzzy
comfortable feeling I get when you're around or even when I just simply think
about you.
I wrote that I had once loved very deeply and that is true. My love for Dan
was a true love, but, after time, those feelings where not mirrored back.
It didn't last. I don't regret a single moment of the time Dan and I shared
together. I will always have him as my best friend, but that time has come
and gone. You move on when you're ready.
I have found, in you Rodney someone who makes me feel SO special, someone
who returns all the love I have inside to give. I have spent a long time
looking for and hoping I might someday find that special person. Someone
with whom I would not be afraid to share the love in my heart and someone
that would keep my love as the precious gift it was meant to be. I know that
someone, is you...
When you find that someone, you just know.
I wish I could describe it better. I have always had a way with words, but
they fail me when it comes to trying to explain this feeling. It fills you
up, it surrounds you, it swells with every beat of your heart. The room lights
up when you walk in. You are the center of my universe and I get from the
you the feeling that I am the center of yours.
I'm going to embarrass myself a bit more here, (like I haven't done THAT
already all over this web site!) honestly, several times we've been talking
about life...our lives, how much you mean to me and how much I love you,
and I simply break down into tears. Please know that they are not sad tears
in any way, they are tears of pure unadulterated joy! You fill me with so
much emotion, it has to leak out somewhere, and it does in the form of tears
of joy.
You entered my life a short time ago, and you have made me feel more and
love deeper than even I knew was possible.
Is it so, that two people were "meant to be"" Is it possible that some higher
power places a light in our hearts which burns for one person and when you
find them, your torches combine to burn all the more brightly? There are
so many things that make no sense at all about our meeting and getting to
know each other. There are so many reasons that common sense tells us, should
have never put the two of us together at this time, on this earth.
We're from half a world apart, our lives and lifestyles were so totally
different. The idea that we would find each other, especially after "avoiding"
each other for so long.
Well, to HELL with common sense, to HELL with the spaces that divided us
for a time. We have found each other now. I know the love I feel for you
can burn brightly enough to last a thousand lifetimes, each one of them spent
with you at my side.
We came together just by chance.
Could it be destiny?
We weren't ready for this romance.
Why now destiny?
Who is this person they call "Fate"?
Can he be knocking at our door?
Sometimes he brings love.
Sometimes it is hate.
He gets the blame whatever the score.
Are you one and the same?
Upsetting our lives whatever your name.
If you are destiny or if you are fate.
You can leave now before it's to late.
Goodbye destiny.
He just won't leave.
What can we say?
He says not to tempt him.
So, get out of his way.
If he says it is so,
then it is meant to be.
Me with you and you with me.
Thank you destiny.
And one of my favorite pieces, and it says so much I want you to know...
If I speak in the tongues of men and Angels, but have not love, I am only
a resounding gong or clanging cymbal. If I have the faith to move mountains
but have not love, I am nothing. It is not rude, it is not easily angered.
Love is patient, love is kind. It always protects, always trusts, always
hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
"You are here, in my heart, and my heart will go on and on.... "
I will always love you,
Jay
September
12th,2001