Monday, April 29th, 2002: I know, it's been a week. But not without reason.
You know, when I first began this site, this journal was an outlet for my frustrations, and my troubles and my fun too. Just a great way to express myself, and if anyone was interested in my "so-called life" they could follow along. As it turned out, a lot of you were.
Well, I thought that my writing here would act as a kind of therapy in the times when I returned and had to deal with missing Rodney so damned badly.
It "ain't" working! Rodney and I talk or chat or video-conference or all three, each and every single day. We keep each other up to date on what's happened in our day. We try to be there for each other as much as we can, in spite of the physical distance between us.
I still miss him so damned much I can't stand it. I'm still working very hard, every single day, trying to network and find either a Malaysian company interested in me, or an American company with offices there who'll hire me. I guess it's just going to take time.
Please, if you've just discovered this site and this journal, read back, especially from about last August. and if there's anything you can do to help me find a job in Malaysia. I will be forever in your debt. Send me an email, let me know. And you know, even if you don't know of a way you can help... send me a mail anyway. It's always great to hear from you and I still do get emails every day, make new friends, some just to say "hello". It brightens my day, every time.
Now, on to the OTHER news of the day...
IT'S FINISHED!!!!!!!        woo hoo!!!
Yes, that's right! The "Official Jay Sheldon Dot Com Malaysia Tour 2002" pages are done! Over 100 photos of our trip, and all the information you want and then some!
Check it out! But WARNING!!!!- if you have a slow net connection... The thumbnails alone on the page will take you a long time to load.
PLEASE be patient. It's worth the trip!
So, sit back, grab another cup of coffee, get comfortable... and


I'll update you on things as they happen. Thanks for being there. It's times like this, that one realises the real value of true friends.

Monday, April 22nd, 2002: This house is SO lonely! Okay, I am going to try not to obsess, and bitch and complain about how much I miss him and how terrible I feel. I think if you've been reading the last few journal entries, you already know that. Let me just say, it isn't getting any better.
I'm still on an "all-out-press" to find work over there. Making contacts everyday and working very hard to find something so I can get back. Again read the last entry if you can help in ANY way.
I'm STILL working hard also, in some of my spare time, to complete my Malaysian Tour 2002 pages. Now that I have all the pictures it's slowly coming together. So far, after editing out the not so good shots and the personal ones, I have about 100 pictures to share with you! Yeah... 100! This is going to take some time! but I promise it won't be much longer and you'll be able to see our adventure.
This week, at least through Wednesday, I'm teaching at the police academy, so my day is a bit busier and that helps. It's a small class of cadets, but they're a great group and we're having fun. It's a nice break from the daily grind of work. Actually today we had some down time, so I shared some of my Malaysia experience with them. No, I didn't bring slides and bore them to death, we just talked about my trip and different cultures and all and actually I think they learned something besides what we were supposed to be teaching about! Nothing wrong with that.
Rodney has his first real job interview today! In fact, as I write this, he's only just woken up and is getting ready. He says he's very nervous about it. I told him that I'd be there in spirit to help him through and I hope he does well. I'm sure he will, he's very good at what he does for a living and any hotel would be happy to have him work for them. He also has another potential job at the Regent, a place he used to work before he came to America. It's actually a better job than the one he's interviewing for today, so the timing of these interviews are important and hopefully he'll wind up with his choice of where he wants to work! not a bad deal, huh? Good luck my love! I know you'll do great!
By the way, I wanted to tell you earlier... Did you know that Rodney, and in fact, EVERYONE in Malaysia can NOT see these pages?
We wondered if, with the large Muslim community and the religion being a bit intertwined with the government there is they had "censored" some sites, but I found out that's not the case. I wrote to the people who host this site and they told me it's been purposely blocked! Check out part of the reply I got to my question:
"Dear Jay,
Because of the high amount of fraudulent customers that we were receiving from these countries
we were forced to block access from them being able to use are services.
1. Bulgaria
2. China
3. Malaysia   <====
4. Pakistan
5. Singapore
6. Indonesia

Great! So everything I write here, and the live cams and all... RODNEY CAN'T SEE! As I said, we talk and chat and video conference every day in one form or another so he's completely up to date on the happenings here, but damn it! He can't get to my site!
I'm working on a new hosting deal with another company, so the people in Malaysia CAN see the site. It's not fair. There is enough internet security out there that completely blocking an entire country, or a bunch of countries is ridiculous! Come on guys! You're going to lose my business! Okay, enough bitching for now. I'm actually also setting up a "satellite site" on a Malaysian server with a few of these pages, so he'll be able to at least see some of this place.
He does enjoy hearing from you guys by the way. I know several of you have written him. If you'd like to, please do.
I'm out of here for now. You'll see me sitting in front of the webcam quite a bit in the next week or two. I'm working on the Malaysian Tour pages or networking to find myself a job there, or just chatting and conferencing with my love.
Either way, please keep in touch, and let me (and him) know you're out there!

Friday, April 18th, 2002: I have to apologize. It's been a week and honestly. I really haven't felt like writing this journal. In fact, I haven't felt like doing much of anything.
My life is one big blue funk at this moment. It's really really bad.
Rodney and I talk several times every day, and chat and video conference through the net. It kind of helps and it also kind of just makes me miss him so much more. To be able to see his beautiful voice and hear his tender voice and not be there to hold him. Damn it, this hurts SO damned bad.
I have one goal right now, and I'm doing what I can to accomplish that goal. While I'm not making any definite decisions for a short while. I'm smart enough to know that I'm not thinking completely clearly right now, I want to go back there and stay with him until we can both return!
I am actively pursuing work in Kuala Lumpur! It would be easier for me to work for an American company doing business there, so I'm going to ask you all one BIG favor. If you know ANYONE, who works for a company big enough that they have a branch in Kuala Lumpur, and many many American companies do, it's a very up and coming country, please send me an email and let me know, so you and I can connect about it. I will do whatever it takes.
I spoke with a close friend about this and his advise was right: You have to live for the right now. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Keep an eye on the future, but be happy NOW. I thought long and hard about it and my feelings are if I should die tomorrow, I'd be happy, I have found and shared a life for a short time with the man who means more to me than anything else on earth, but I would die with a regret. A regret that I didn't do everything I could to be together with him. There's no reason I couldn't join the thousands of "ex-pats" who are living and working in Kuala Lumpur. And then, when he's able to legally get back here, return with him. In fact, the more I've read since I've been back. The closer together the immigration doors are closing in this country. Every article I read seems to feel that it's going to get worse before it gets better too. That's NOT the news I want to hear. I hope we Americans don't cut off our nose to spite our faces. This country was born and built with immigrants. Shutting the doors now will damage what we have come to appreciate so much. It is a mistake. Don't make immigration laws anti-immigration!
I will be very busy in my looking for work over there. I am dealing with prospects everyday and getting my Malaysian networking up and going. It "ain't" easy 12,000 miles away, but I'm working on it. So if I'm not around to chat, or don't answer your IM's quickly, it's not because I don't' care. It's probably because I'm in the middle of something and I can't stop to chat. Oh, one other quick note. If you notice my computer room camera is not updating during some evening and morning hours, it's because I'm using it to video conference with Rodney. Hey! I'm sorry, but he's more important and I only have so many cameras here!
On another subject, I am trying everything I can to work extra hours and save as much money as I can to get myself back there for our anniversary, August 11th. It's also, of course, Rodney's birthday. SO far the tickets are VERY expensive and I'm going to have to do everything I can to raise the money I need. How's the idea of a x-rated site for pay? hmmmmmm DO NOT put it past me, I really WILL do whatever it takes! oooooooo! An idea! I'm sure you're all familiar with the Jay Sheldon HOT GUYS Gallery. You can sign up for a FREE Gay AVS number with your credit card and I make money! PLUS, you get access not only to my hot guys, but hundreds of HOT gay sites!
Every time someone signs up, I make about 15 bucks, so hmmm,let's see $1400 for the tickets back to Malaysia , divided by 15... I need only about 97 people to sign up and I'm I can afford it! Now seriously, if you sign up it really IS free as long as you cancel your membership in like 3 days. I have investigated this company and they are legit and do NOT rip people off. They do NOT charge your credit and I still make the fee, even if you cancel your membership within the time allowed! So, come one! There MUST be 97 out of the thousands of you who come to these pages every week who will do this for me. CLICK HERE and sign up!
Or, if you're in the market for Viagra, I REALLY make a good deal when you buy it online through my site! CLICK  here!
I'll let you know how it's going! PLEASE... I'm begging now!

Rodney found the first set of pictures, the smart-card and he FedEx'd it to me. It should be here tomorrow and I'l start working on the Malaysian Tour pages, so you can all have a look at the dynamic duo in KL! It should be fun.
I'm deadly serious about all of this. I am going to find my way back in August for our anniversary, whatever it takes. You want to send me a check or cash out of the kindness of your heart and for the sake of love? EMail me and I'll give you the address.  After that, if there is any possible way,  I am going to find a way to work and live there until we can both return. I will find it if it is the last thing I do. Once in all of your lives, I wish you would know the kind of love I have... we have, for each other.
Some of you already do, I'm sure and you know what I'm speaking  of. For the rest of you,  your dreams will come true, I know this....
Saturday, April 13th, 2002: JETLAG SUX!
I've never had jetlag like I do this time. I just can't seem to adjust my sleep schedule. OUCH! It's about 10AM Saturday morning and I keep sleeping in about 5 hour blocks. I hope I can readjust by Monday when I have to return to work.
The trip was great. I had such a fantastic time/ Malaysia is an incredible and wonderful country full of diversity and an amazing culture.
Here's a small taste.
First Rodney and I "striking a pose".

Click for a larger shot in a new window        Click for a larger picture in a new window
and me with a Malaysian Police officer.        No! I wasn't in trouble, I asked to pose with him!
Many many more shots to come in the Malaysia Tour Journal!

Now for a small bit of bad news. I have a really nice Olympus digital camera which takes a "smart card". The one that the camera came with only held about 125 pictures. I filled that up during the first week or so and had to buy a new one. This one held about 300 pictures and when I changed the cards, I put the old one with all my first set of pictures in a safe place for keeping. Well, I sat down yesterday to start writing my special Malaysia Tour web pages and realized, I must have put the pictures in a really safe -place, since... I CAN'T FIND THEM! Waaaaaaaaa! I have a funny feeling I left them in Rodney's backpack and I'm going to be speaking to him again this evening, so I'll have him check. I still have some great shots from the second half of the trip, but the first set was ALL the great family shots and touring around Kuala Lumpur. I just HAVE to find it!
As for my return, it was long and sad. I won't bore you with all the details here. I'll be writing a whole series of pages with text and pictures from the trip so you can get all the gory details. Suffice to say, for now, that I had a wonderful time and miss him more and more every single day. We've spoken several times since I left and he's missing me, looking for work, and doing well.
On the home front, SiSi was BESIDE herself when I returned. She went NUTZ! She was jumping all over and licking my face. She really really missed me. A sad note, after I walked in the door and she calmed down a bit, she went over several times and looked at the door, as if to say "Where Rodney? Isn't he coming back too?" Awwwww! It made me cry.
I am spending as much time as I can with her and trying to not to leave her here for a while for too long. I'm afraid she'll think I'm gone again for 3 weeks!
A HUGE thank you to Kenya for looking in on her during our trip. And as for the roommate Mark. a big thanks for watching SiSi and the house while I was away too. Another piece of bad news although I'm too upset at the moment to really care much. My babies, my bonsai, all of them, are dead. Bonsai are extremely dependent on daily care. I had arranged for someone to water and watch over them but it didn't work out and he wasn't able to so, I live with the consequences. I should have paid someone to do it I guess.. Apart from their sentimental value, they're also extremely valuable "cash-wise", I have an enormous investment in both time AND money in them. Well, not anymore. I'm still figuring out if I want to bother restarting my collection or not. I'm leaning towards the latter.
I have So much work to do on the Malaysia pages that I'd better get started, I just wanted to re-update you on things happening around here.
I hope to have at least some of the pages done by the end of this weekend, and of course I can't get ALL the pictures up until I find that damned smart card!
My life, what a drama!

Talk to you soon! It's almost good to be back!

Thursday, April 11th, 2002:   Damn it!   I MISS HIM sooooooooooooo BAD!!! Everywhere I look around here, I see him...
Hey gang, I've only JUST returned. I've never been felt up by more men in a few days in my LIFE! (and THAT was just the security guys at the airport!)
Seriously, after 30-something hours in the air, my brains are mashed potatoes. The cams have been down for a while, I'll get them back up and running soon, promise!
I'll write more and I have thousands of pictures for you too. So much so, that I'll have to write a whole separate "Malaysia 2002 Tour" page. It's coming soon, but the jet lag is killing me and I have to call Rodney in a few hours when he wakes up, and let him know I made it, almost in one piece...
All except for that big chuck of my heart, I left in Kuala Lumpur with him.
Detail to come this weekend, after I recover. Right now the bed is calling me...